My dearest Stacey! I just now got your message, upon returning from a evening's celebration with my fellow caddies, and am much aggrieved!
I had spent the cab ride home memorizing the Waialae course names, and somehow they all seem to mock me, to mock you, mocking our plight --
Are we Upiki (trapped?) The Hawaiians might say this is indeed a Huluhulu (hairy) situation.
I have no desire to Kipaku you (drive you away), but how can we follow both our professional drive AND our hearts?
I can help any golfer to select the club to deal with every situation, from fairway to sand trap...but now I find myself unable to pick the best of two options!
What can we do? What must we do? Where do cannot and must intersect? Perhaps in the paradoxical dual-nature of Aloha.
I feel myself falling into the sleep of the perplexed, with the sword of Democleese hovering over my head, so I shall send this message now
Until tomorrow my love,