Cover Art Theatre
permalinkWell, here I am at my 20th Friday article here on GameWTFs, and I thought I'd do something different! (And no, the something different won't be "starting to write this earlier than 8pm on the night before it's supposed to be posted").
Instead, this week I'm going to be posting some exciting CARTRIDGE PICTURES of the obscure or semi-obscure (and often quite lousy) one-on-one fighting games that clogged the Super Nintendo game library after the success of Street Fighter II!
My main criteria for including these games were:
- They had to be, pretty much, one-on-one fighting games of a non-boxing variety
- I had to have bought the cartridge over the course of my last few years of collecting the worst video games I could find
- They had to be more obscure than, say, the Mortal Kombat series of games or Killer Instinct*
*: Though I mainly excluded Killer Instinct because I can't bring myself to play it; I hate memorizing button combos for special moves, and my controllers' D-pads are loose enough that it's pretty much impossible to pull off any of that "Quarter Circle" or "Half Circle" nonsense with any consistency...so the idea of trying to play anything that reminded me so much of Mortal Kombat II or III (where the only way to have half a chance as a newbie is to spam your special attacks, because that's what the computer is going to do to you) had no appeal to me. So basically, I've played Killer Instinct for one fight once, while I've played all the way through to the goofy victory screen of Street Combat dozens of times.
That left me with 15 games...well, originally it was 14 games, but I decided to throw Best of the Best: Championship Karate in there, even though as a kick-boxing game it's basically a boxing game...but it made the numbers so much more easily divisible!
In coming weeks, I may be going into more depth on each game, but now here's the cartridge pictures and a few words about each game...actually, a haiku about each game!
So, without further ado, let me present...
The FIGHTING FIFTEEN!
Ballz
Super Nintendo
Gives us a 3-D Fighter?
Oh -- a tech demo!
Gives us a 3-D Fighter?
Oh -- a tech demo!
Pit Fighter
Primal Rage
Primal BOREDOM, cuz
Dinosaurs all look alike.
Monkey, throw your poop.
Dinosaurs all look alike.
Monkey, throw your poop.
Clay Fighter
Hey, Clay Clay Fighters,
Hit 'em, boff 'em, they don't care!
And neither do I.
Hit 'em, boff 'em, they don't care!
And neither do I.
C2: Judgement Clay, Clay Fighters 2
Bad Mr. Frosty?
It's not just a clever name.
It's bad EVERYTHING.
It's not just a clever name.
It's bad EVERYTHING.
King of Monsters 2
Step on a city,
Then punch a giant monster,
Then stifle a yawn.
Then punch a giant monster,
Then stifle a yawn.
Shaq Fu
Shaq fights everyone,
Rescues a kid, gets back for
Charity B-Ball!
Rescues a kid, gets back for
Charity B-Ball!
Best of the Best Championship Karate
If this is the best,
the WORST of the WORST would be
quite shabby indeed.
the WORST of the WORST would be
quite shabby indeed.
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Fighting Edition
The Mighty Morphins
have pretty good licensed games.
I'm flabbergasted.
have pretty good licensed games.
I'm flabbergasted.
Saturday Night Slam Masters
Uh, is "Slam Masters"
One word or two? It looks bad
as just "Slammasters".
One word or two? It looks bad
as just "Slammasters".
WeaponLord
Label is damaged...
Kinda like your fighter's face
after it meets AXE!
Kinda like your fighter's face
after it meets AXE!
Power Moves
Oh Cover Art Gods;
What the hell is going on?
Seriously, dude!
What the hell is going on?
Seriously, dude!
Data East, you creeps,
How could you win that Lawsuit?
This is SFII.
How could you win that Lawsuit?
This is SFII.
Art of Fighting
Fighting is an art:
You do a bodacious taunt!
Guys hit you with sticks.
You do a bodacious taunt!
Guys hit you with sticks.
Power Instinct
The best obscure game:
Dentures fly, walls are destroyed,
Creepy girl flexing.
Dentures fly, walls are destroyed,
Creepy girl flexing.
Tuff E Nuff
"Hey Punk! Are you Tuff
E Nuff? Master the moves to
Master me!" -- Title
E Nuff? Master the moves to
Master me!" -- Title
Street Combat
Steven Classic and
Cosplay Robocop Steven
Combat in some streets!
Cosplay Robocop Steven
Combat in some streets!
Samurai Shodown
Such a great game, this;
But what is the word "Sho Down"?
It's NONSENSE, that's what!
But what is the word "Sho Down"?
It's NONSENSE, that's what!
Teh End!
Well, that's it for this week! My word-count may be down, but it certainly wasted as much of my evening as it usually does! Tune in in future weeks and I'll review analyze pretend to talk about some of these games, maybe!
— carlmarksguy, 2012-05-25
5 Comments:
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1
Haha, jeez, I know Haohmaru's hair is normally pretty wacky, but that SNES box art makes it look like he's just been assaulted by one of those hair-raising static electricity balls.
2
For anyone who doesn't know, Haohmaru's the dude on the cover of 'Samurai Shodown'. Though you'd be hard-pressed to find ANYONE whose hair looks good on any of the cover art above! When Bald Shaq has the best haircut, you know you're in COVER ART HEAVEN!
3
God damn but that TUFF E NUFF cover makes me laugh every time I see it. Why would I want to "master" you, you drooling weirdo?
5
@VGJ: yeah, that TUFF E NUFF tiny-nosed giant-haired monkey-like fellow is indeed a hoot! He's also a shoe-in for "worst cover-art to in-game comparison." @RQ87: ..but POWER MOVES has my vote for "worst cover art"; I used the dude as this articles' icon! I dono why there's egg on his face, perhaps cuz its censored from blood? The game title is censored from "Deadly Moves" on Genesis..