Hit the Bricks...the bricks OF ICE, that is!

Super Nintendo, NES & GameBoy tomfoolery;

Hey, a non-clip-show Gameboy article? What gives! Have I thrown off my writers block,

like a mind control device defeating the dapper tyrannosaurus rex of inertia?

No, of course not. I just found ONE game that could supply the sufficient number of impressive and disturbing pictures all by itself. So, through off your ridiculously over-sized gloves, spit out your mouth guard, and feel free to lose a few teeth as we get ready to...

Hit the Ice! - a top-10iest summary-by-pictures

1: Rogue's Gallery of Goons and Serial Killers

...and I'm pretty sure that guy on the far right is a small-mouthed bass masquerading as a human.

2: Jeez, if they're this angry on the character SELECT screen...

Yikes.

3. In the land of the colorblind...

Note: this is an original Gameboy game, therefore is presented in 4 shades of black and gray. But you have to admire their ~~balls~~ pucks for naming the two teams like that!

4. The face-off is officiated by Frosty the Snow Man

...after Slim-Fast.

5. But then it's just some good ol' fashioned 2-on-2 hockey!

Is the plural of Mr. T, "Mr. T-s", or "Misters T"?

6. Well, 3-on-3 if you count the goalie.

When Crystal Lake closes for the winter, Jason plays in a pick-up hockey league.

7. Plus, he's got quite the slap shot!

Here we see a fellow in the midst of the hockey equivalent of a bicycle kick. It's basically unstoppable, and unsurprisingly, the computer knows how to do it!

8. But as always, the best defense is a good offense!

Oh, did I mention you can punch or club people with your stick?

Yes, this is the Great White North equivalent of Arch Rivals: a Basket Brawl

9. No high-sticking calls here!

Bash your enemy to steal the ~~ball~~ puck, then ~~dribble~~ skate away free as a ~~bird~~ bird.

Well, you'd think that all of that high-sticking and slugging was as violent as it was going to get...but you'd be WRONG!

Occasionally (and in addition to the rampant punching and assault with giant wood-and-fiberglass sporting equipment) a FIGHT will break out! Then, get ready for...