killer Vaniller filler
permalinkWhat happens when an article pseudo-deadline comes knocking, and you've got a cold and/or flu, preventing you from putting much effort into it? Well, if you're me (and if so, hi!), you start digging around old video game screencaptures, hoping to throw together another 8 funny pictures filler article.
But along the way, I started noticing more and more scenes featuring SNES characters wearing hats. And not just any hats --
Ok, sometimes they were just any hats
But for the most part, I noticed a lot of baseball caps. And not just in baseball games -- it seems the humble baseball cap has outdone the boxing glove as a piece of sports paraphernalia that is more commonly seen OUTSIDE its original context!
But when it comes to baseball caps as street-wear, there's one question that comes to everyone's mind:
Why do non-baseball players wear baseball caps?
You don't see people wandering around with a football helmet on in public, or sporting hockey goalie masks for no particular reason,
(with a few notable exceptions)
Oops, that's not the question I meant.
I guess we have to accept that "baseball caps" are societally approved for public use at this point in human history, in the same way that "Tennis Shoes" are no longer exclusive to clay courts, excessive grunting and THIS guy:
No, the question about baseball caps is and has always been, brim forwards or backwards? Let's compare a number of pictures from the SNES catalog to try to see which brim-direction looks better in the 16-bit world, as we embark upon...
The SNES Brim-Direction Best of Five Battle!
Top Gear vs Test Drive 2: The Duel
Category: Fancy cars / mostly-obscured hats
These are two high-end "realistic"-style racing games, full of gear-shifting and stopping to Agassi Tennis gas up. But the main time you get to see baseball caps is between races:
On the left, a disappointed non-top-gear competator hangs his head in shame and/or because he's got almost as much pointless metal on the top of his head as Sonic Blast Man.
On the right, the ICE COOL proprietor of the "PUMP you up" gas station. He's jumpsuit-wearing grease monkey, Ned Filbert: sarcastic sense of humor, one of the biggest mid-'90s Saturday Night Live fans you're likely to meet, and owner of what appears to be one sweet backwards baseball cap.
Winner: Backwards Baseball Cap — Ned's got the 'tude, AND the soda. Sorry!
Nigel Mansell F-1 Challenge vs Super Baseball 2020
Category: The numbers-in-the-game's-name challenge!
Here we see the floating head of Nigel Mansell guiding you through Practice Mode of his F-1 Challenge, while wearing a cap emblazoned with the logo of his corporate sponsor.
On the other side of the 21st century, a robot from Super Baseball 2020 has just missed a foul ball (oulball?); visible in the stands are dozens of copies of the 4 different clone-fans, including one with a "red squiggly" insignia on his shirt and a backwards red-and-green baseball cap.
Winner: Forwards Baseball Cap — at least Nigel isn't one of a dozen clones -- and he's apparently able to manifest himself in the mind of a vehicle driver/pilot, just like Obi Wan Kenobi!
Bass Master Classic - Pro Edition vs Clay Fighter 2: Judgement Clay
Category: Ridiculously over-though titles division!
On our left, we see the slack-jawed proprietor of the Bass Tournament Bait Shop, ready to bust out some fishin' wisdoms or a jig-and-pig lure at a moment's notice.
To the right, Bad Mr. Frosty has replaced his Lincolnian stovepipe hat from the original game with a funky-fresh pumpkin-colored baseball cap.
Winner: Forwards Baseball Cap — it's not so much that Bait Shop Guy won (despite his pleasantly-disturbing vacant stare), but that Mr. Frosty's game is overloaded with stupidness above and beyond his irritating new-found dope-fly headgear: Clay Fighter 2's choice to be known as C2: Judgment Clay was a cute reference for about 6 months after the second Terminator movie, but now just grates on the nerves.
Al Unser Jr's Road to the Top vs Barkley: Shut Up and Jam
Category: Up-from-the-basics sporting games
Al Unser Jr's road to the top lets you zip around on go-karts, snow mobiles and stock cars before you hop in to formula-one racing.
Knight of the Realm Charles Barkley's game lets you shoot two-on-two hoops in dingy, graffiti-decorated neighborhoods, before eventually competing in some stadium (at least, I assume that's the case -- I can't be bothered to play any basketball game more advanced than Arch Rivals)
Winner: Backwards Baseball Cap — Sweet Pea and T Bone seems genuinely happy to engage in the upcoming sporting event, while Al Unser, Wildman, and Sir Charles appear to be irritated (and/or unconscious).
Ghoul Patrol vs Super Buster Bros
Category: Travelling to fight bizarre paranormal threats
Zeke has apparently smothered his amazing vertical 'do (last seen in Zombies Ate my Neighbors) under a red baseball cap with the skull and crossbones on it. (Which is ironic, given that he'll end up battling pirates during his era-hopping monster-blasting journey).
The conspicuously-solo "Super Buster Bro" has his cap on backwards, to keep it out of his eyes as he scans the horizon for the giant spheres that he must harpoon into SMALLER giant spheres. Somehow this task is important enough that he's earned a fully-paid world tour of Rover-like sphere destruction.
Winner: Forwards Baseball Cap — On the merits of the in-game character, Ghoul Patrol Zeke is not as cool as he thinks he is...but it's hard to look at Buster Bro without remembering his cover art:
...and that puts the advantage back on 3-D Glasses Boy, rather than The Sunglasses Dudes.
So, let's add it all up:
Forwards: 3 — Backwards: 2
It looks like today, the traditional brim positioning wins the day. Let's see if our winners have anything to add!
Ok!
Uh....
Oh dear.
Well, tune in next week for more hard-hitting game journalism!
— carlmarksguy, 2014-05-09
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