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Up from (Super) Obscurity

Spider-Man: geek makes good. Is there a more compelling superhero?
Actually, probably, but I care about super heroes even less than I care about giving thoughtful, in-depth reviews of videogames! Here at GameWTFs, we (by which I mean "I") like to focus on the bizarre picayune details which make forgotten Super Nintendo games head-scratchingly interesting! (by which I mean, "puzzling" or "emotionally disturbing")
So, with that in mind, let's get to the carnage that is Spider~Man's first (second? or maybe third? Don't know, don't care!) Super Nintendo SpiderBeat-SpiderEm-SpiderUp adventure!
On second thought...let's MAXIMIZE that Carnage!
Spider`Man: Carnage Maximizer
Here's what you'd get in a standard review of Spider^Man and Venom: Maximum Carnage, condensed into useless haiku format:
Spidey Classic, plus
Black Spidey, plus cameos,
fight Red Goo Spidey.
Yes, the villain in this game, Carnage, is a cross between Spider%Man, the blob (the gooey red-jelly Steve-McQueen-eating blob, not the supervillian by the same name), and the T-1000.
In between fighting stages, there are dozens of poorly-worded cut scenes, which feature other superheroes or supervillains popping in to frame and blasting someone or getting blasted. In fact, there's literally over a dozen characters who'll show their face briefly and pointlessly during Spider@Man's fisticuff rampage, and if you're not quick on the "A" button while the game's credits are loading, you'll have to see each of them. I blame Ninja Gaiden for this pointless cut-scene tendency.
But anyway....
All this is well and good; some of these cameos even appear as bosses. But who feels the blunt end of Spidey's fists the other 90% of the time? If you guessed, "street punks," your SPIDER-SENSES were successfully tingling...with SMARTNESS!!
Unfortunately it's unclear what these street punks have done to enflame Spider_Man's rage; I like to imagine that these panels were omitted from the opening story cut-scenes:
If that's not it...what is? There's a friggin' killer Red Goo Spider-Man on the loose! Is now really the time to be beating up dozens of people in trench coats with porcupine-like hair?
Well, evidently, now is the PERFECT time to be beating up dozens of people in trench coats with porcupine-like hair. Throw in a few guys with backwards baseball caps and sunglasses and a pair of girl scouts, and you've created a laundry list of beatings that Spider|Man has chosen to prioritize over his normal super-villain-fighting routine!
It's Just Your Friendly Psychotically Violent Neighborhood Spider-Man!
Ok, so I've resigned myself to the fact that Spider)Man is going to spend most of his time punching innocent bystanders who have the gall to raise their dukes to defend themselves when they see an overly-muscled fellow in a blue and red Halloween costume throwing haymakers at everyone in sight.
But where Spider-Man and Venom: Maximum Carnage really goes off the deep end is in its Enemy Naming system. If you ever played Double Dragon and wondered why all women members of the gang were referred to as "Linda", or ever set out to defend your Rival Turf from several dozen slack-jawed rag-wearing guys all named "Bullet", then this game is the game for YOU!
Also, if that's true, this website is pretty much designed for you. Tertiarily, you should probably be taking a healthy doctor-recommended regime of medications to help you relax and overcome your need to know the proper name for each individual Abobo (or would the singular of "Abobo" be "Abo"?).
Another thing designed for you? The enemies in this game! Not only do you get the "better Beat-em-Up seal of qwality" that is "different palette swaps for the same enemy", we now have different NAMES for the same enemy! So when you're set upon by a squad of derelicts, you're not just fighting three "bums", or three copies of "TrnchcoatGuy" can rest assured that they each have their own identity!
For example, who's that cowering in fear at the approach of a rage-and-irradiation-powered superbeing? That'd be Danny!

And you can know that it was Bret who just lost a tooth from that spider-powered punch to the jaw; KCHAK, indeed! Note in the background: that's NOT the dude whose name is "Alamo" getting a crush on Spider-Man; that's a heart-shaped health power-up sitting on top of a bundle of newspapers.
This of course makes equally little sense as:
  1. Spider$man's violent attacks causing his victims to fall in love with him, Stockholm-Syndrome style
  2. Using a stack of newspapers as a thrown weapon
  3. a guy whose name is "Alamo"
But this game contains ALL OF THE ABOVE!

Pictured above: Spiderman's intimidating pose won't make Alamo change his name!

And which local girl scout is that which Spidey's got by the collar, about to punch repeatedly in the stomach? Why, it's Dana! Hi Dana!

The neighbors that you beat, when you see them on the street...
For you keeping score at home, here's a chart of the neighbors in the first level, which our masked hero/bully greets with his radioactive fists of fury! Note that there ARE a few repeats, but for the most part, Spidey gets to pummel an entire neighborhood full of unique individuals, each with their own hopes, wants, and dreams:
Name Trench
Cap &
Girl Scout
br. coat gr. coat bl. coat r. cap b. cap b. jacket g. jacket
Billy - - - - - -
Mike - - - - - -
Steve - - - - - -
Alex - - - - - -
Malcolm - - - - - -
Haydn - - - - - -
Mike - - - - - -
Billy - - - - - -
Danny - - - - - -
Tom - - - - - -
Bret - - - - - -
Steve - - - - - -
Danny - - - - - -
Marshall - - - - - -
Mark - - - - - -
Mike - - - - - -
Malcolm - - - - - -
Alex - - - - - -
Paul - - - - - -
Geoff - - - - - -
Bret - - - - - -
Kin - - - - - -
Alamo - - - - - -
Mike - - - - - -
Lizzie - - - - - -
Dana - - - - - -
And what do they have in common?
Long months of emotional and physical recovery after receiving a severe alley-beating from The Amazing(-ly violent) SPIDER+MAN!
Frankly, I'm disgusted.
Important Note: I've been told that the "hyphen" between "Spider" and "Man" is a very important part of Spider/Man's name, so please appreciate the great care I've taken throughout this article to get it right!
— carlmarksguy, 2012-03-23
Oh man, I remember this game! This was probably the best Spider-Man game until the one from 2000, and it's undoubtedly the best game (read: the only good game) ever made by Ljn! Double web smacks, backflip kicks, somewhat accurate web swinging, and a blood-red cartridge!
Yeah, it definitely had a lot of different extra kind of non-attack things you could do (like Batman Returns) with the webbing shield, webbing grab, and swinging on webs. It's honestly a pretty good game (too few continues for me to get too involved though!)
Ah, gamernerds, webgeeks, fanboys, dorknerds, webwebs and...elves.
This had really good music too. The band that did the intro put out a few cds in the 90s.
Nifty! I'm music-dumb, but I might as well be playing on mute given how rarely I mention v.g. music on this site; I think the only time I've brought it up was when there's something silly (like the game's intro boasting a TVT recording artist) or unexpected (like Bram Stoker's Dracula, where they have moans-n-howls mixed in with the sound).
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