Smorgasbored!
permalinkFlushed with success from last week's article about weapons softened by the addition of boxing gloves, you might think that this week there'd be nowhere to go but up.
However I've recently spotted another household object that's bubbled up in several SNES games. So to get to the bottom of it, I've dedicated this week to a tour of...
Toilets of the Super Nintendo
To plumb the depths of this topic, I'll start off with a picture of the facility in question, check off a duty list of key points (A: in-game location, #2: what's it do?), and then generally discuss the game and its porcelain accessory.
So let's jump right in with both feet -- starting with the very sandals featured above. Yes, it's bathtime for...
Location: Transylvania (the first level)
What's it do?: Has an old-timey pull-chain and raised cistern*
*: suitable for hiding a gun during high-level talks with mobsters!
As I mentioned in the original Dr. Franken article, his wacky quest (to recover his wife's dismembered body parts) begins in his own home, so it's only fitting that we see his bathroom.
And just as you might expect from Frankenstein's Monster's Toilet...
IT'S ALIVE!
True Lies
Location: At the end of the mall (mission 2)
What's it do?: Closed stall doors = respawning henchmen.
Moving right along, True Lies takes the "shootout in the bathroom" scene from the movie and adds a few unique twists:
When you arrive, some henchmen are mysteriously occupied.
In the next room you find several closed stall doors; until you blow them completely off their hinges, they can keep generating henchmen.
...and if that's not enough to keep you busy,
After a little while the shotgun-toting boss shows up!
and from there on out, all bets are off -- it's a crap shoot.
Location: The Bathroom level
What's it do?: You lift the lid and jump right in to warp to the next level segment!
Here we see another familiar face from my crappy Pseudo-Frankenstein's Monster month! As I've discussed before, Pugsley the toe-headed knuckle-dragger has to lope through every room of his family's house. Each and every room is a death trap, and that includes the bathroom.
But you can't say the Addams Mansion skimps on style -- check out that fine pink finish and wooden lid. It's truly a fitting throne for any earl or duke.
Yes sir, there's truly something duke-y about it.
Location: Highland High School - gym shower room
What's it do?: Unexpected stuff comes out of it to hurt you.
Our gruesome tuesome twosome are back from last week's lackluster showing to wreak some more appropriate havoc:
squaring off against toilet 'gators!
Location: In the bathroom (somewhere on the second floor?)
What's it do?: Lift the lid to discover untold riches.
Unlike Home Alone 2, this game is moderately playable:
You avoid burglers, (mostly these generic henchmen, but Harry and Marv show up occasionally too)
you gather your family's loot from the rooms and hallways,
...and you dump it down the laundry chute into the basement.
When you've gotten enough squared away, you go to the basement, face off against some spazzy enemies (rats, bats, spiders, etc), fight bosses in the later levels...and then do it all again in a different wing of the house. Repeat 4 times to win!
So where does the toilet enter in to the grand scheme of things? Well, you spend the entire game running around and tapping the "UP" button, hoping that every background object will reveal an item.
And the toilet, like any other piece of home decor worthy of the name, showers you with rewards:
...I hate to mention it, but in a later level you find a whole pizza inside.
Dishonorable Discharge: Ghoul Patrol
Location: Not in this game
What's it do?: Be conspicuous by its absence
Ghoul Patrol's second and third levels take place in what appears to be a hotel, and the third level even has some bathrooms (pity those who checked into the second level hotel). Yes, it has bathrooms with a tub, a sink, a mirror -- even a cabinet. But they're missing one very important detail: the toilet.
And if you think the bellhop pictures above is angry about it, well, he's got nothing on this maid:
She's CLEARLY been sent to tend to the toilet: she's carrying several rolls of toilet paper and a toilet plunger. But where is the toilet? There is no toilet!
And what are we to make of this?! Well, I think there's only one logical conclusion:
Schwarzenegger got there first.
Well, that's it for this week!
Tune in next week for another in-depth look at exciting Super Nintendo-related topics and themes!
And I hope you've enjoyed how I've taken the high road in analyzing this potentially delicate subject. Although if you didn't enjoy that, may I present you with this parting gift:
— carlmarksguy, 2014-01-24
4 Comments:
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1
You can jump on toilets in Final Fantasy VI and after a few moments, you hear it flush. There's also a sidequest in Alundra 2 where you have to teach a kid about all the different toilets around the world.
2
Yeah, I thought some of the RPGs had detailed enough towns/houses to have bathrooms. But that "Alundra 2" thing is pretty weird (hopefully he didn't spend a fortune on a "Communicate" spell to the southern hemisphere, to find out if the water circled the drain backwards)
3
Nah. Every time you walk into a room that has a toilet, you hear a tone. Then you can go back to the kid and your character automatically imparts the knowledge. After four toilets (I think), you learn a special move.
4
Ah, it makes SO much more sense now that I remember "Alundra 2" is a Playstation game or something (because the memory-cartridge rather than battery means it can track a lot more incidental stuff); at first I though it was one of the 16-bit RPGs I don't really know about (Loofah, Phantasy Star [sic], Whys, etc. hee)