GameWTFs.com

This week I was taking screenshots of a bunch of different games, but nothing leaped out as something I wanted to write about.

So I dug through my folders and grabbed some random pictures. Most of these games are ones I've played extensively, but have never known how to fill enough space to write an article about. So I threw them together in the first "Great 8 Random Screen Shot Fun Time" article!

I guess I'll give a brief haiku about the game, then talk a little about the game and/or screenshot:

Yes, it's Syndicate, the wacky game about world domination and assassination of anyone who stands in your way!

You might be paving the way to a hellish, oppresive crime-ridden future, but hey -- there's a giant neon sign that says, "ROBO GIRLS." How did THAT not get censored?

What a dapper rabbit is Whizz: top hat and suit-coat, and he's hopping all around grassy platforms with large checkered patterns as they hover in mid-air. Even the "Mushroom" energy meter in the bottom-right corner seems appropriate...

But what's up with that sunken ship?! Ok, hovering bunny zipping around in space I can deal with, but I do NOT believe it's happening in the Bermuda Triangle. Bah!

The Scooby Doo game is really pretty decent, with exploration and fetch-quest elements, combined with cartoony graphics and a decent use of the whole Scooby gang (you play as Shaggy and Scooby, you take the clues you find to Velma, Daphne gives you Scooby Snacks, and Fred arranges the traps).

But then they ruined it with no invulnerability period after you bump in to an enemy, and bad jumping controls.

Anyway, to your left you'll see an extremely droopy pirate threatening our heroes. But why he's carrying either a dead seagull or a sock with a bar of soap in it is anyone's guess!

This is a perfectly acceptable dangle-em-up, and unlike SOME games I could mention, none of the missions are completely self-defeating.

Decent jumping mechanics, well-thought-out weaponry, some nice boss-fights, and a decent balance of 'find all the things' exploring without having levels be TOO sprawling that it's no longer a run-and-gun platformer.

Also, this picture illustrates the age-old adage: "the scarab beetle is no match for machine-gun-toting Kurt Russell"

This family seems to be comprised entirely of crazy people. I particularly like the fuming Chris Elliott, but Gray-Haired Dad on the far right looks rather troubled, too. Perhaps they're all wondering why Kirsten Dunst is sitting at the far end of their frumpy table in a push-up bra?

And incidentally, VGJunk was quite right: when you can type whatever answer you want, it gets really dark really fast. Hee hee!

I'm not sure how I ended up with this ROM, but it's a Japan-only casino game that features a title screen with trippy gradient static and the name, Dynamaite the LASVEGAS (sic).

Somehow it begins with a huge animation of a man staring down a dragon, then proceeds to have you go gamble at casinos. IT'S SO CRAZY IT JUST MIGHT WORK!

Kid Klown has a thing or two going for it:

While it's a race against time, the "timer" is a bomb's fuse. Not only do you see where you are in relation to the fuse in a standard "heads-up" display at the bottom edge of the screen, but the bomb's fuse winds along the entire level -- so you can see it lying on the ground if you're ahead of it.

Also, you're running towards the bottom-right corner in a "45-degree overhead view", which is kind of new. And while you play as a clown, you exist in some hellish planet where EVERYONE is a clown (the horror). There's even a lot of "cute" animations of how you get biffed/burnt/crushed/splashed by the various hazards as they sap a little of your energy and time.

Unfortunately this game has an even worst cop-out feature than fake energy meters -- the "necessary bonus item." Unless you get grab the four "card suit balloons" (which are hidden amongst ALL the balloons you pass in the level), you have to re-play the level, without getting your energy bar refilled. Just imagine if Super Mario Brothers did this: there would be four "?"-blocks in each level -- identical to all the other "?" blocks until you hit them -- and failure to get ALL FOUR of those meant you had to play the whole level again. Gadzooks.

But on the upside the introductory dialog is kind of fun! Just see how Princess Clown Woman breaks the fourth wall by addressing YOU, the guy holding the SNES controller!

While this game is lacking the most important qualification for being a dangle-em-up platformer movie cash-in (seeing as how you can't dangle), it has a lot of movie-like flavor: it feels like you're watching a skeezy horror flick starring Jullian "I was the Professor in Arachnaphobia" Sands.

Also you meet lots of nice people and animals, which then mutate into killer beings you have to blast with your "kneeling power beam" or your "summon your spirit energy" heat-seeking orb (seen in this illustration).

Plus your trenchcoat is always billowing around you when you stand still, and your "energy meter" is displayed by the face at the top of the screen: the more hurt you are, the more hair and skin has tumbled off of your ugly heads-up-display head, exposing your even uglier skull. Ouch!

Hey Pitfall Harry -- get out of there!