Who? | They Call Him... | I Call Him... |
---|---|---|
![]() |
FLAK
Jack Flak, the average cop! The perfect balance of speed and PLAYER 1.
|
PLAQUE
Sounds the same, but worse for your teeth!
|
![]() |
NELSON
Oozie Nelson, the stronger and slower cop! The perfect choice if you accidentally do not select Jack Flak!
|
APPLEGUY
It's odd how "Oozie" is such a freaked out name, yet "Nelson" is bland enough I come up with all kinds of random names for him. "APPLEGUY" is one of those random names.Should I have just called him OOZIE? That's a horrible name, but its kind of one that THEY call him, so...yeah. Confusing! |
![]() |
BULLET
Low-level goons don't get no sleeves! It's a well-documented fact!
|
BALLET
Just because he spends his days wearing rags and getting into fist-fights with plainclothes street-fightin' policemen doesn't mean he doesn't have a dancer's soul!
|
![]() |
CASE
I guess that motorcycle helmet he's wearing COULD be thought of as a "Case" around his head...
|
BASE.1ST
Perhaps he's so attractive that he HAS to wear that helmet to keep the ladies away!
|
![]() |
SKINNY
He's certainly tall and lanky! And Bald! Also, nice medallion, and zubbas pants made out of neon pink zebra hide!
|
PENISMAN
Ok, I can't defend this nickname, but I also can't think of anything else to call this poor fellow. I guess it's a case where, if the |
![]() |
WARRIOR
I guess if you're going to dress like a cross between a kung-fu guy and a band majorette, you better have a tough name!
|
WARTHOG
...and what's tougher than a Wart Hog? I guess a bear with chainsaws instead of claws would be tougher, but those are pretty rare these days (they would destroy their own ecosystem, you see), so "WartHog" it is.
|
![]() |
BUTCH
Inspired by Breaking Bad, Butch here looks every bit like a shop teacher who decided to throw his old life away and join a street gang. Now, instead of explaining the workings of a table saw or a scratch awl to scrawny freshman and breathing sawdust fumes, he squeezes his immense belly into a bandolier with a fetching sholderpad and gets punched repeatedly in his giant breadbasket. If you ask me, it's a lateral move.
|
BUTTS
C'mon, this guy's upper torso is the size of Dom DeLouise, yet his hips and legs are normal size? He's got to have some serious corset-type jockstrap going on to contain his...BUTTS. Hence the name!
|
![]() |
GORO
I'll bet GORO decided to get into karate after playing too much Mortal Kombat as a kid. Maybe he's been trying to grow two extra arms and a goofy ponytail to look like his "gang name"-namesake. Or maybe he just likes Good Oreos but can't spell (damn the influence of the "K" in "Mortal Kombat" on a generation's spelling!). It'll remain a mystery, because every time someone approaches Goro, he leaps backwards with his foot jutting out, in hopes of smacking them right in their smug, spelling-capable face!
|
FARTS
Karate Master with a gray outfit and yellow kneepads is named "FARTS." I laugh at things that a five-year-old would laugh at. There's nothing more to see here, please move along.
|
![]() |
ARNOLD
One thing's for sure...even though you may knock this guy down, HE'LL BE BACK. Wearing his scary sunglasses and an adorable orange tanktop with an odd "X" or pair of scissors drawn on it in denim-blue!
|
AKROID
Change a few letters and you've gone from a BRUISE-Brother to a BLUES BROTHER. Oh dear god. Why are you reading this site again?
|
![]() |
GENIE
The first level boss is one of the guys who chased Disney's Aladdin around while he was shoplifting fruit. Dude, at this point, your guess is as good as mine.
|
WENIE
Hur hur hur.
|