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Up from (Super) Obscurity

As we discussed last week, Ghoul Patrol is a pretty shabby pseudo-sequel to the excellent run-and-gun-and-B-movies game, Zombies Ate My Neighbors ("ZAMN" for short).
For this week, I looked a little further into the ghoulishly slapdash Ghoul Patrol, and figured out how many hits it takes for each of the five weapons to destroy each (non-boss) enemy!
What, there are only FIVE different weapons?
Yup, sadly there are only five different weapons...and you can get them all in the first level, without even exploring too far away from each neighbor.
And worse, NONE of them can blast through doors or destructible-walls like the Bazooka in ZAMN! There are three or four places in the game where there's 1-ups and other power-ups hidden behind a destructible wall...but the only way to get in is to expend an ENTIRE Monster-Up potion just to smash ONE wall!
Even sadder, for virtually all enemies, there are only 3 different "weapon damage levels":
Crossbow -- your default weapon; as usual, unlimited ammo = unlimited inferiority!
Ping-Pong Ball Machine Gun and Martian "Heatseeker" Gun -- usually better than crossbow, but worse than...
Laser Beam Gun and Useless Mortar -- most enemies take the most damage from these.
Is there anything more to be said about the weapons?
The Crossbow, Ping-Pong Ball Machine Gun and Laser Beam Gun all work basically the same: they all reach the edge of the screen, and they can all fire pretty quickly if you press the fire button quickly. It's possible the Ping-Pong Ball Machine Gun shoots more rapidly, but it might just be an optical illusion (it seems to launch two orange bullets every time you shoot).
However the other two weapons perform differently: The Martian "Heatseeker" Gun looks just like the Martian Bubble Gun from ZAMN, but works like a weaker single-shot version of the "Pandora's Box Heatseeking Multi-Blast" item from ZAMN: every time you pull the trigger it shoots a little waft of energy which zips out, then after a moment travels towards the nearest enemy. It's not as great as it sounds, because it takes a second to lock on (similar to the missiles in Battle Cars)...but as long as you're running, or facing roughly the right direction, it gives you a bit of "auto aim".
As for the Useless Mortar, unfortunately I didn't call it that for nothing. It fires slightly shorter-range projectiles which arc upwards, missing most enemies who are within 1 or 2 enemy-lengths of you. So far it sounds like the "soda grenades" from ZAMN, but it doesn't have the kind of "explosive splash zone" of the soda grenades. Aside from a few of the floating enemies (who tend to get in the way of the mortar's arc more easily) this weapon is a waste of time.
Well, alright then...on to the hit-chart!
So, without further ado, these seem to be the number of hits it takes to kill each enemy with each weapon:
Weapons: > Crossbow Ping-Pong Ball Machine Gun Martian "Heatseaker" Gun Laser Beam Gun Useless Mortar
Floating Books 1 11 11
Possessed Photo-Copier 8 44 33
Possessed File Cabinet 11 66 44
Eyeballs 1 11 11
Bug-Eyed Snails 4 22 22
Adorable Floaty Devils 7 44 33
Ghost who is obviously Slimer 7 44 33
Floppy Zombies 3 + 1 22 11
Trash Monster 11 66 44
Hotel Ghost 4 22 22
Killer Plant 6 44 32
Floating Killer Skulls 8 44 33
Samurai Skeleton 11 64 22
Floating Monk 5 33 22
Shark 20 1111 44
Pirate 16 + 25 8 + 128 + 12 7?*
Floating Knight Torso 13 85 45
Where you see "# + #" (the Zombie vs. Crossbow, and Pirate vs. Most Weapons), that means, "the monster usually takes some damage/is stunned after the FIRST number of hits, but isn't destroyed until after the SECOND number of additional hits."
*: ok, I haven't brought enough Useless Mortar ammo to see how many shots it takes to take down a pirate yet, so sue me.
Well, that's all for this week...
...tune in next week (or at some point in the future) for a more in-depth look at the various enemies!
— carlmarksguy, 2012-12-28
I never thought that a Monk who could learn Sorcerer/Wizard spells would seem "ghoulish".
Perhaps he was slain by a pack of Ghouls? Or their marine equivalents, Lacedons? [/biggest Monstrous Manual nerd on earth] [/doubly so because I just checked how to spell "Lacedon"]
I don't think Lacedons were in the 2e Monstrous Manual...were they in one of the Compendium Annuals?
Lacedons are a footnote in the section on "Ghouls" in the amazing 1979 "Official Advanced Dungeons & Dragons Monster Manual"...the one with the cover-art which looks like some highschool kid's drawings of a unicorn, dragon, & a cross-section of the ground which shows trolls walking around about 3" of topsoil below the unicorn's hoves.
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