Smorgasbored!
permalinkThe other day I was looking at one of my favorite video game sites, Sweetbee's Game Hive, and I came across a page I'd never seen before. It turns out he wrote a tribute to one of my favorite lesser-known games, in the form of a Rygar Shrine!
While that is great news in and of itself, I was startled even further when I found these words in the Beastiary:
"Demoro Bruzer: Demorobruzer is basically a dimetrodon with treads."
"Hey," I thought to myself, "didn't I just see something like that in another game recently?" Then I went on to think, "I can fake my way through a quickie article about dinosaurs mounted on weird vehicles -- score!" So, my friends...this is that article!
Demoro Bruzer -- Rygar
Yes, dinosaurs are terrifying -- but they're also quite slow. Lygar decided to fix this problem by taking Demoro Bruzer and sticking a half-track under him!
Unfortunately Demoro seems to be overwhelmed by his new-found speed: when Rygar shows up, Demoro spends his entire time zipping around his room -- on the floor, walls and ceiling, like some kind of Saurian "Motorcycle Cage of Death" stunt.
Poor Demoro Bruzer gets full points for demonstrating centrifugal force, but without mounting a very good offense beyond that, he quickly falls to Rygar's diskarmor*
*: For those of you wondering why Rygar's stabby yo-yo is called a "diskarmor"...um...get used to disappointment, I guess.
Yes, despite having slagged Seicross's horrible Fake Energy Meter system a few weeks ago, it's back in the proverbial dunk-tank again this week!
And speaking of tanks, this game comes complete with some minibosses called BalTank, the Dinosaur Tank!
The evil aliens on Planet [whatever] seem to have taken the same approach that Lygar did: they've taken these sort of iguana/ankylosaurus things and glued some tank treads to their feet!
This creates an ultimate dingo somewhat competent warrior:
- from their dinosaur heritage they have a great resistance to damage -- which of course helps them soak up a large number of your moped's laser beams
- ...and they can also shoot a virtually continuous stream of fireballs...though I'm not sure if this is because they are:
- A dinosaur
- An animal; as we know from video games, EVERY animal either has some kind of breath weapon, or they can shoot their eggs/progeny/unidentifiable effluvia at you.
- And their tank treads let them zip/plod backwards along the screen, allowing them to fire backwards at you uninterrupted by navigational worries!
But even after your Seicross biker has bested the mighty BalTank, he can't rest easy: the aliens have equipped their Jurassic enforcer with one last dastardly trick:
...the old "dying dinosaur on wheels backs off the screen, then engages its head's rocket-booster engines to fire it at you!"
Because this is a video game, we can forgive the historical inaccuracy -- Paleontologists now believe it was the stegasaurus and not the ankylosaurus* that had rocket-booster engines embedded in its neck, for special cranial suicide missile-attacks!
*: though the ankylosaurus is now believed to contain a cloaking device, possibly of Romulan origin.
Of course, Seicross's apocryphal dino-history doesn't stop there -- it further posits that dinosaur skeletons can be discovered, fully assembled, crouching on laser motocross race tracks!
However, these should be approached with caution, because when they are disturbed, they release a carrot-headed alien!
Razh/Rahz/Gazh/whatever -- Clash at Demonhead
How can we possibly top Seicross's dinopaloozah? Well, how about an adorable big-headed T-Rex sort of fellow, with a nose-horn and a pre-Harry Potter lightning bolt design on his forehead, riding a hovering motorcycle?
Yes, as you can see above, one of the first governor-bosses in Clash at Demonhead is the aforementioned dino-biker, and the utterer of a really long-winded/badly-translated death threat!
For some reason, his laser bike comes equipped with much more impressive firepower than poor Seicross's...AND when he bumps into you, he flings you up to the top of the room!
As always, diligent application of the hero's laser weapon will eventually defeat him. They don't call your character "Billy 'Big Bang' Blitz" for nothing!
Well, that's quite enough of that...
Nothing left to do but check in with Pitfall Harry! Do you have anything to add this week?
"OMFG WTF is that thing!"
— carlmarksguy, 2012-12-07
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