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ABACUS was born to a poor family of human dirt-farmers. They tried and tried to grow dirt, smashing expensive vegetables and fruit all over the ground, but the pitiless earth brought no dirt forth to reward their labors.

He first noticed his magical powers when he was picked on at Dirt Farming School -- accidentally engulfing both his antagonist and ABACUS's best friend Mimsy Pickets with an 18d6 fireball. Unfortunately for poor ABACUS, the bully made his saving throw and was fine, while Mimsy Pickets was reduced to -74 hitpoints, and pronounced "dead."

The accidental nature of his horrible crime did nothing to assuage ABACUS's guilt; broken-hearted, he turned to a life of a wandering mage, selling his services to the highest bidder. He is a bitter, nihilistic man, hollow in many ways -- he obeys the law, yet taking no joy in his many magical triumphs and riches.

Some dwarves become evil over the course of their lives -- from long thankless hours, toiling deep in the bowels (ha ha ha ha ha) of the earth, extracting gems and minerals of incalculable value, just to dump it all at the feet of some hedonistic belching king and his half-dozen mustached dwarven women.

Not BAD DWARF, though: he was just born that way. He girds himself with dirty black leather armor, brushes back his many spiked beard-ties, and swings his wicked double-handed ax at the heads of sinners and saints alike. Winner take all is his motto, and whatever will earn him the most goldpieces is his target*

Some say they have heard him howl at the moon, however, in the depths of the night -- that there is some great love that he mourns in the coldest and most solitary of evenings, alone with his pile of treasure and his endless draughts of mead. Others wonder why a Dwarf Fighter has virtually identical stats as a Human Mage, but they are told to "shut up," because "the dwarven fighter has one more point of CON and one less of CHA." Then there are still others who point out that CON and CHA are totally not key stats of Mages or Fighters.

However, BAD DWARF hears none of this, because he's off at PONY CANYON headquarters, posing for the graphic design team to draw his amazing in-game portrait:

DAHLING's life story wouldn't seem out of place to ABACUS: a life of deprivation and fear, though in her case it was due to being an outsider, an outcast. As a foundling High Elf, she was taken to live with a pleasant but obtuse group of Wood Elves, which are elves who live in the woods and generally play around like a dagnabbed hippie commune.

While her adoptive parents were discovering new and more potent varieties of pipeweeds, DAHLING was filching the odd grimgore here and a spell component there (most of them from SEEYANTRAYLS, the village librarian/herbalist and the nearest thing there was to a wizard).

Within DAHLING are two opposing forces, fighting for dominance: on the one side, she hates her thieving habits and wishes to live through pure conjuring and study of the higher elemental planes. On the other side, her quick mind and nimble fingers makes the property of others a tempting target, and all-too-often, she wakes in a foreign inn, her room and immense bar-tab financed by her ill-gotten gains from the night before.

Perhaps in the land of HILLSFAR, she can learn to reconcile her dueling ambitions, and soothe her sundered soul? Also, what the shit, dude -- her STR, INT and WIS are friggin identical to BOTH the Human Mage and the DWARF FIGHTER.

Anyway, here's how to draw DAHLING the elven thief/mage: